Metacognition

Last Monday didn't go as I planned (yet again, what did). I could only fall asleep after the sunrise, and when I woke up, I'd heard that the electricity bill for the past month went up to a total of RM3++.++ 

my expression wtf

Honestly, I'm not a big consumer of electricity. I save heck a lot and I rarely turn on the air conditioner unless the weather becomes so dry and hot (like now during CNY fml) so when I heard that the bill went up to RM3++ cereals in my mouth literally went..

Thankfully after some settlement with the management office, they decided to somehow decrease the price to RM1++.++ wtf. It baffles me when the management simply lower the price like that without double-checking the meter; they said it happens all the time and that it's common. WTF?? Cibai punya management wtf. After settling all this shit I was rushing for my class at 3PM, and then it was 2PM wtf. 

Then it struck me that I had so much to do in college and I need to get my ass there ASAP.

While I was recollecting I was so close to the verge of giving up and deciding to stay in, then wrap myself in my blanket and watch some chick flick on my laptop. I do this each time I feel frustrated and I needed to be alone, away from people, from the crowd. Yet again I did a reality check.

It was painful to get out of my comfort zone but it's really difficult sometimes. To me, my comfort zone is a paradox because as much as it is giving me the satisfaction to be in the area of being lazycozy and hearty, it only drags me down even lower because I'm not getting myself out there. I'm not exposing myself to the world, and I'm not doing what I am meant to do, what I am supposed to do, what I should be doing. I have been so into my comfort zone that I'm not willing to step out of it in fear that I'll lose the sense of control to my well-being.

I had le BF's earplug on my ear and turned on the playlist to a full blast. Nothing better than Paradise by Coldplay during a stressful early evening.

I had my thinking cap on again, and I was wondering how wonderful others' life could be, and mine just had to be a sucky one. I remember vividly that the weather that evening was dry and hot, my calves burned as I came in contact with the sun's ray. It wasn't a very pleasant day to be out, unless you're under constant pour of cold air in a mall. 

I know myself as being a very ungrateful human being - as a daughter, and a lover - and I find the consistent need to look for reassurance that I am luckier than I think I am. It's not easy for me because I am surrounded by peers who get better, be treated better, and getting shits shoved into their territory without having the trouble to even ask for things they need/not need. It's bad enough that they get things easy, my fucking peers also found the joy to slap it on my face and go nuts for a couple of days until a week later when they get bored and play with new shit.

I think I give them too much amusement. Must excrete poker face next time. MORE pokerface.jpg

You say, "why do you want to care lalalalalala" eh hello there's a reason why I am me and you are you. Go away.

Yeah anyway, I was thinking and thinking and suddenly Michael Buble came into my playlist wtf. If you know Michael Buble, you'd know that most of his songs are very calming, soothing, very jazzy. I took that as a message from the above that I should calm myself down wtf #psychic #mysticpower

Then this song played on shuffle

play me play me!

Then something fell from the sky.

 It was a almost-empty bag of semen powder. OK lah not from the sky but the construction site next to my condo wtf. The wind started blowing dusts to my direction and I went ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*??!?!

I looked up to the sky and saw more bags floating and conforming to gravity. Some fell straight to the windshield of cars passing me through and the bags had to follow where it was driven to. 

There are just so much more problems which deserves a much higher priority than mine. Sometimes it's not about you, your friends, your troubles, your rants. It's more than that. It's about your life, your thoughts, your dreams, your heart. I used to be this brat who wants everything my way, and when I don't get it, I'd hate whoever-it-is for as long as I want (actually I still am that brat trololol.jpg) but now I just feel like a bigger person. That when things don't go your way, there's always another alternative to achieve it.

The sky wasn't as bright anymore; it was duller and could be seen with the naked eye without the unintended  ouch-my-eyes-hurt. I still see bags swaying here and there and there were maybe 10 people on the street, and none could be bothered by the presence of the flying objects in the sky. Doesn't it hurt you that your environment is so polluted?

I've decided to go backpacking around Asia when I'm ready, just to see what's out there that I know not of. Maybe it could be the "something" that curbs the ungrateful spirit in me.


I don't know if my intended figurative message is fathomable by my readers or you just find me crapping about some shit. Which I think I am. Shit.

ps, if last Monday was back-dated to a year ago, I'd stay in my paradoxically comfort zone.



Chinese New Year is so, so close. So I'm wishing all my readers or anyone who has happened to stumble upon this humble blog (wtf) a prosper Chinese New Year, and may your year ahead be blessed with wealth and health.

HUAT AHHHH!

pps, where's my ang pow? |: I can send you my account number no problem (Y)